"I’m Done"

The final words of Jesus, "It is finished," marked the reconciliation between God and Man. The power of sin and death was broken and yet I think the disciples said something different; “I’m done.” They were exhausted, living in chaos and had no clue what the future held for them. There are times that we all face “I’m done” moments. It seems easier to give up, cut losses and move on. I remember struggling in my first months as a rookie cop, unable to do anything right. Field Training Officers critiqued my performance nightly and I failed miserably. One night, things went particularly bad. I had no self confidence and my trainer gave me the, “Maybe this job isn’t right for you,” speech. I remember walking into a secretary's office at the Police Department and calling my wife at 3:00 in the morning.

“I am going to quit. I can’t take this anymore.”

Marjorie said, “If you quit, we won’t have medical insurance.”

Now where was my supportive wife when I needed her? I made it through the night and returned the next day. The day turned into 24 years and I am now an Assistant Police Chief. Marjorie said what I needed to hear to stick it out. God may not appear to you in a burning bush, but He will find a way to break through your fatigue, confusion and self doubt to accomplish His will for you and through you.

This story is not a cop story, it is the testimony of Julie. I am Julie’s Uncle by marriage and our families spent Easter together in Massachusetts. When we arrived last Saturday, Julie was busy putting together meals for homeless families living in her town. She is a woman of God with a heart for homeless mothers and their children. She lives in Northborough, Mass. and provides struggling families with food, clothing and the basic needs of life. I learned that she started this ministry years before on her own with no assistance from any church or non-profit. She organizes trips to local parks so families can enjoy a few hours of fun beyond the world of seedy motel rooms and poverty. More importantly, Julie spends time with homeless moms and kids to develop friendships and give them hope. She is the hand of Jesus to those that are lonely and struggling to live.

Community members know about Julie’s work and it’s common for food and clothing to show up on her doorstep. On two occasions, workers from the state welfare office called her asking for help. The employees asked if she could come up with car seats and diapers because the local office could not meet the need! Apparently, there was no else to ask except for this mother of five who works full time and does this on the side. Julie called around and got the items requested.

Last month, Julie got a call from a priest asking her to pick up 15 boxes of diapers donated to the church. It was not a good day for Julie. Her husband was traveling on business, she was getting more calls for help then she knew what to with and her kids were driving her bananas. No one was available to pick up the diapers. The Catholic parish was miles away. She was tired of the struggle of finding and organizing volunteers; distributing food and organizing events. She pulled up to the church and decided, “I’m done.”

She walked into the community room next to the church office to grab the boxes of diapers. She could hear a woman in the office asking for gas money to move her things into a new apartment. Julie was not going to get involved. She picked up the first box and to her surprise, could not move her legs. It was as if they were frozen in place. She stood there trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with her and found herself arguing with God. No, she was not going to let this woman’s story get to her. No, she was not going to keep doing this and struggle to find people willing to help. She would deliver these diapers and be done with it. After a moment, she found herself walking out to the car and returned to pick up the second box. She walked back into the building and the woman standing next to the boxes of diapers.

“Can I help you carry these out to your car?”

“I have it, don’t worry about it.”

“If we are not here to help each other, what are we here for?”

Julie said to God, “Seriously? You knew I wouldn’t go to her so you sent her to me!”

Julie gave the woman her cell phone number and told her to call if she needed furniture for her new place. For Julie, she realized that this was the path God wanted her to take. A week later, Julie got a request from an executive manager with the Mass. Department of Transitional Assistance. She asked Julie to meet with her to share what she does as a model for other outreach programs across the state. 

Peter believed that he failed Jesus and the best he could do was to return to fishing. He gave up, cut bait and moved on. Jesus had other plans for him.

"When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?'

'Yes, Lord,' he said, 'you know that I love you.'

Jesus said, 'Feed my lambs.'" John 21:15

Where is God calling you to serve even when you want to say, "I'm done"?

Hitting Rock Bottom

“Those who have fallen may remember the fall, even when they forget the height…There is such a thing as the momentary power to remember that we forget. And the most ignorant of humanity know by the very look of earth that they have forgotten heaven.” G. K. Chesterton - The Everlasting Man.

One afternoon, I was set up on a busy street with a radar gun watching for speeders. It did not take long to catch a guy driving much faster than the speed limit and I pulled him over in a gas station parking lot. A contact like this always starts the same way, “Good afternoon. My name is Officer Aspland with the Santa Barbara Police Department. I stopped you for speeding. Is there any lawful reason why you were exceeding the speed limit today?”

The guy was quick to admit he was speeding. I suppose part of his motivation was that a cloud of smoke smelling very much like marijuana was wafting out of the cab of his truck. I told him, “I need to see your driver’s license, registration, proof of insurance and the rest of the marijuana you haven’t smoked.” He looked surprised. I figured he did not think I would notice the smoke and the odor if he admitted to speeding.  He popped open the center console of the truck and gave me a baggie of pot.

I had him step back to my car and my partner stood by with the guy while I searched the truck. He left the keys on the truck bench and I noticed a very small Tupperware bowl hanging off his key ring. Inside the little storage container was a rock of cocaine.  My speeding ticket turned into a felony arrest for possession of coke. 

The following year on the Fourth of July, I worked foot patrol at Shoreline Park just north of the Santa Barbara harbor. It was in the parking lot that this guy walked up to me and told me his arrest was the wake up call he needed. He told me that he was so strung out on cocaine that he forgot that he stashed his dope in a key ring, Tupperware charm. He was now sober, reunited with his family and salvaged his marriage. He walked me over to his picnic area, introduced me to his wife and insisted that I share in his barbeque. Rock bottom was in this situation was a key ring charm.

For the Apostle Peter, rock bottom happened when he denied he was a follower Jesus during the crucifixion. Peter’s denial came on the heels of his proclamation that he would never abandon the Lord. To make things worse, Jesus told Peter that he would deny him three times before the night ended. “Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!” John 13:38

Matthew 26: 69-75 tells the rest of the story, “Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. ‘You also were with Jesus of Galilee,’ she said. But he denied it before them all. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, ‘This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ He denied it again, with an oath: ‘I don’t know the man!’ After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, ‘Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.’ Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, ‘I don’t know the man!’ Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.”

After Jesus died, Peter went back to his job as a fisherman. What else was he going to do? He spent three years of his life serving Jesus and then denied knowing the man Peter believed was God. A few days following the resurrection, Peter went out all night fishing and caught nothing. He was bringing the boat into harbor when a man standing on the shoreline called to him and told him to cast his nets over the side of the boat for one more try. Peter did as he was told, he had an empty boat with nothing to lose. The net was so full that he could not haul all the fish in. Peter realized that the man on the shore was the resurrected Jesus. He jumped over board and swam in from his boat. He walked onto the beach and found Jesus had prepared ... a barbeque! After breakfast, Jesus called Peter to begin his ministry to build the church. Rock bottom for Peter was the foundation for changing the world.

“Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” Matthew 16: 17-18 

Rock bottom is different for everyone. The question is what will you do when you get there?

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9