"I’m Done"

The final words of Jesus, "It is finished," marked the reconciliation between God and Man. The power of sin and death was broken and yet I think the disciples said something different; “I’m done.” They were exhausted, living in chaos and had no clue what the future held for them. There are times that we all face “I’m done” moments. It seems easier to give up, cut losses and move on. I remember struggling in my first months as a rookie cop, unable to do anything right. Field Training Officers critiqued my performance nightly and I failed miserably. One night, things went particularly bad. I had no self confidence and my trainer gave me the, “Maybe this job isn’t right for you,” speech. I remember walking into a secretary's office at the Police Department and calling my wife at 3:00 in the morning.

“I am going to quit. I can’t take this anymore.”

Marjorie said, “If you quit, we won’t have medical insurance.”

Now where was my supportive wife when I needed her? I made it through the night and returned the next day. The day turned into 24 years and I am now an Assistant Police Chief. Marjorie said what I needed to hear to stick it out. God may not appear to you in a burning bush, but He will find a way to break through your fatigue, confusion and self doubt to accomplish His will for you and through you.

This story is not a cop story, it is the testimony of Julie. I am Julie’s Uncle by marriage and our families spent Easter together in Massachusetts. When we arrived last Saturday, Julie was busy putting together meals for homeless families living in her town. She is a woman of God with a heart for homeless mothers and their children. She lives in Northborough, Mass. and provides struggling families with food, clothing and the basic needs of life. I learned that she started this ministry years before on her own with no assistance from any church or non-profit. She organizes trips to local parks so families can enjoy a few hours of fun beyond the world of seedy motel rooms and poverty. More importantly, Julie spends time with homeless moms and kids to develop friendships and give them hope. She is the hand of Jesus to those that are lonely and struggling to live.

Community members know about Julie’s work and it’s common for food and clothing to show up on her doorstep. On two occasions, workers from the state welfare office called her asking for help. The employees asked if she could come up with car seats and diapers because the local office could not meet the need! Apparently, there was no else to ask except for this mother of five who works full time and does this on the side. Julie called around and got the items requested.

Last month, Julie got a call from a priest asking her to pick up 15 boxes of diapers donated to the church. It was not a good day for Julie. Her husband was traveling on business, she was getting more calls for help then she knew what to with and her kids were driving her bananas. No one was available to pick up the diapers. The Catholic parish was miles away. She was tired of the struggle of finding and organizing volunteers; distributing food and organizing events. She pulled up to the church and decided, “I’m done.”

She walked into the community room next to the church office to grab the boxes of diapers. She could hear a woman in the office asking for gas money to move her things into a new apartment. Julie was not going to get involved. She picked up the first box and to her surprise, could not move her legs. It was as if they were frozen in place. She stood there trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with her and found herself arguing with God. No, she was not going to let this woman’s story get to her. No, she was not going to keep doing this and struggle to find people willing to help. She would deliver these diapers and be done with it. After a moment, she found herself walking out to the car and returned to pick up the second box. She walked back into the building and the woman standing next to the boxes of diapers.

“Can I help you carry these out to your car?”

“I have it, don’t worry about it.”

“If we are not here to help each other, what are we here for?”

Julie said to God, “Seriously? You knew I wouldn’t go to her so you sent her to me!”

Julie gave the woman her cell phone number and told her to call if she needed furniture for her new place. For Julie, she realized that this was the path God wanted her to take. A week later, Julie got a request from an executive manager with the Mass. Department of Transitional Assistance. She asked Julie to meet with her to share what she does as a model for other outreach programs across the state. 

Peter believed that he failed Jesus and the best he could do was to return to fishing. He gave up, cut bait and moved on. Jesus had other plans for him.

"When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?'

'Yes, Lord,' he said, 'you know that I love you.'

Jesus said, 'Feed my lambs.'" John 21:15

Where is God calling you to serve even when you want to say, "I'm done"?